


Lost and Found

by little_werewolf



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe, Character Death, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-10
Updated: 2015-10-10
Packaged: 2018-04-25 18:10:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,914
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4971148
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/little_werewolf/pseuds/little_werewolf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everything carries me to you … towards those isles of yours that wait for me.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lost and Found

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for the RS Games in 2009, and now I am finally getting around to posting it here. You can find the original post [here.](http://rs-games.dreamwidth.org/14697.html)

When Remus came home that night, the cottage that Sirius and he shared was quiet, and he wondered whether he'd be able to hear it were a pin to drop in their bedroom upstairs. Shaking his head, he hung up his cloak and peeled off his wet shoes, soaked through because he had thought walking home in the pouring rain would be so clever. Attempting to rub some warmth back into his arms, he headed straight into the kitchen to make himself some tea, his thoughts once more wandering to where Sirius might be right now.

The two hadn’t talked that much in the last few months, and even sharing a bed had become some kind of chore. Remus didn’t even know anymore if this could still be called a relationship, or whether the only reason Sirius was still here, was because it was easier than breaking up.

For Remus it wasn’t that easy, were he to decide one day that he could no longer continue like this, he would have nowhere else to go. With Lily and James under the Fidelius Charm, his parents being insufferable as always and his Gringott's vault so empty that it already carried dust bunnies, it didn’t give him much of a choice but to stay here and endure the ongoing tension. Of course this didn’t help Remus at all, but still he couldn’t help but think about Sirius as soon as he sat down at the table with a fresh mug of tea, since it was the only thing that kept him somewhat sane.

Now as he sat there sipping his tea, Remus could even remember the last time he and Sirius had had sex. It had been nothing like the love-making they used to have, but more like the need to feel they were still alive, holding on to a hope that everything was going to work out one way or another. After that, the two hadn't touched one another again, and that had been more than a month ago. Remus had no idea what could have brought it on, and hadn't had the chance to ask since Sirius was never at home when he would be. Now, more than a month had gone by and Remus felt more and more exhausted with every day.

He could still remember the days when he would get home from work, and Sirius would already be home, waiting for him with a freshly cooked dinner and a smile on his face, a smile that had always been reserved for him alone. When Remus had lost his job, the roles had quickly been reversed, and he got to be the one waiting at home, making sure that everything was settled before Sirius would come back from work. Remus tried his hardest to come up with a reason why it had gone wrong back then, something that would explain the sudden distance between them, but he couldn’t, and the mere thought made his eyes fill with tears which were soon enough running slowly down his pale cheeks.

Only as the front door opened was Remus able to pull himself out of his thoughts, quickly wiping away the tears with the back of his hands, and getting up from the chair he was sitting on so he could at least pretend that he was busy. At first he couldn't hear anything, and he wondered for a moment whether Sirius had decided to leave again once he had realized that Remus was home. However, he eventually heard footsteps coming towards the kitchen, and he looked up and over to the doorframe, to find a completely soaked Sirius standing there.

The other man’s skin was pale, his hair pulled back in a messy pony tail, and his robes were dripping as if he had spent the entire day in the rain. And then those grey eyes were staring him down, staring at him with so many emotions, something Remus hadn’t seen in a very long time and he had no idea how to deal with it. He could feel his breath catch in his throat, and his eyes once more looked Sirius over, seeing now the wand clutched tightly in Sirius’s hand, his fingers trembling, apparently from the cold, which made Remus’s feet instinctively carry him over to the other man.

"Tell me it wasn’t you..." Sirius said fiercely as soon as Remus stood in front of him, reaching out to grab the front of Remus’s shirt and give him a fierce shake. There was an intense desperation in Sirius’s eyes that Remus hadn’t thought still existed, and he felt his legs growing weak, not having the strength to pull the other man’s hands away from him.

"Tell me it wasn’t you, that it was someone else, that everyone is wrong... TELL ME, REMUS! “Sirius screamed at the end, and Remus was sure that he could see tears running down Sirius’s cheeks. The last time Remus had seen Sirius crying had been after the prank at Hogwarts, and the other man had begged over and over for forgiveness, until Remus had found him crying in his bed. Since then he had never seen the black-haired man shed a tear, and it shocked Remus to see Sirius doing it now.

“That I wasn’t what?” Remus asked feeling sudden fear entering his veins. He had the horrible feeling that something terrible had happened to make Sirius react like this.

Without getting a reply, the two just stared at each other for a while. Eventually Sirius let go of Remus, took a few steps back, shaking his head. When he looked up at Remus, he could feel his breath catching in his throat and suddenly all the nightmares he had had, seemed to be coming true. Sirius looked absolutely devastated, his hands were shaking and he looked like he was about to collapse. Remus attempted to reach out for Sirius, but the other man simply took a step back, shaking his head again. Even if it probably wasn’t meant to be hurtful, for Remus it felt like someone had burned him with a hot iron, making him want to heal the burn under a cold shower at fast as possible.

“James and Lily… someone told… Harry is with Dumbledore…” Sirius mumbled, running a shaky hand through his hair, and only now the werewolf was starting to understand why the other man had shouted at him earlier on. When a moment ago Remus had felt hurt, it now suddenly turned into intense rage, and for the first time ever he felt like giving Sirius a good punch in the face.

“So your first thought was that I was the traitor? That I would sell out our best friends! How low do you think I am?!” Remus asked. His voice that had been low at first had become louder by the end. Of course life hadn’t been easy lately, but if the reason for Sirius pulling back was because he thought that Remus was the traitor; that hurt more than he cared to admit.

Letting out a frustrated huff, he turned around and walked up to their bedroom, slamming the door shut behind him. He knew that he should pack his things and leave, but he couldn’t get himself to do it. No matter how angry he was with Sirius right now, he still loved him and he couldn’t just leave like that. So instead he dropped down on the bed with a small sob, wishing that Sirius would come up and explain everything to him.

However, as the hours passed, Sirius never came, and there seemed to have fallen a deadly quiet over the house. Not managing to move, Remus just lay there, listening to the smallest of sounds that went through the house, anything that would give him a sign that Sirius was still there. So when he heard the Floo network coming to life, Remus jumped out of bed and rushed downstairs.

His eyes widened as he saw Sirius coming through with Harry in his arms, making Remus suddenly remember what Sirius had said earlier on and feeling his knees buckling under him. He looked up at Sirius with a questioning expression but the other man just walked past him, shaking his head and heading straight upstairs.

Remus was just about to call after the other man and tell him exactly what he thought about Sirius’s behaviour, when the Floo network came to life again and Dumbledore came through. The other wizard looked older than Remus had ever seen him, and the dread that he had felt just seconds before was increasing with every second. “What happened?” he asked nervously, needing to know exactly what had happened, his hands tense and his whole body alert to any kind of reaction.

At first, when Dumbledore replied, Remus thought he had only seen the Headmaster’s lips moving before he finally managed to hear the words in his head. James and Lily dead, the words repeated over and over again in his head, and he felt like his feet were pulled out from under him. Stumbling, he moved back to sit down on the couch, a shuddering breath escaping his lips.

When Sirius had told him earlier on it hadn’t seemed real, but hearing those words being repeated by their former Headmaster suddenly made all of this very real. They had all planned to go on a trip together once this hell was over, have fun like they used to have and forget everything else for a while. The thought that he wasn’t going to see either of them anymore was tearing him into pieces, and only then he let out the loud sob that had been building up inside of him. He just sat there and cried while Sirius and Dumbledore were discussing formalities, deciding what was going to happen to Harry.

Remus only noticed his surroundings again once everything had grown quiet around him, and found Sirius standing in front of him, looking at him with a distant expression. “I guess we’re stuck here together then,” Sirius said quietly and left the living room again before Remus could even reply, leaving Remus rather speechless.

The following days Remus and Sirius spent walking around eachother, as if something was going to explode were they to dare to speak to one and another. So instead they tried to follow certain routines. Sirius was taking care of Harry, while Remus would make sure that there was breakfast, lunch and dinner every day ready on the table. Even if Harry cried at night Sirius would get up and take care of him, not even letting Remus close to the boy. Not that Remus dared after the accusations Sirius had thrown at him, and so he was spending his nights sleeping on the couch, not wanting to see Sirius’s hurtful gaze even in their bed.

Still, and this hurt Remus the most, he couldn’t stop loving Sirius. Every day he found himself wishing that the other man would say something, even if it would only be a small good morning. It would even be enough if Sirius would just smile at him again, even if only a small smile. But no matter how hard he wished it nothing happened, and Remus found himself remembering the times when they had still been a happy couple, and Sirius would never have left the house without making sure that Remus knew he was loved.

When it all became too much for Remus, which was about a week later, he Flooed Dumbledore asking if there was any chance he knew a place for Remus to stay. However, the Headmaster would have none of it, telling Remus to stay where he was and that everything was going to get better soon. Sighing heavily, Remus cursed the old man as soon as the connection was broken and then grew quiet as he heard Harry fussing upstairs. Sirius seemed to have grown more irritable through the last couple of days, and Harry had started to fuss more. When, after 10 minutes, he could still hear him crying, Remus slowly headed upstairs to the guest bedroom that Sirius had quickly redecorated for the toddler.

Sirius was standing in the middle of the room with Harry in his arms, attempting to shush the toddler, who seemed to have none of it. Tentatively, Remus stepped into the room and up to the pair of them, only stopping once he was standing right in front of them. It was the first time during that week that Remus had seen Sirius up close, and he had to catch his breath at the sight. Sirius’s eyes were swollen and red rimmed, his skin pale and he looked like he hadn’t eaten well in days.

“Give him to me, I’ll take care of him, I promise,” Remus whispered, opening up his arms, desperatedly hoping that Sirius would trust him enough. It took a few minutes, but eventually Sirius put Harry carefully in Remus’s arms, only letting go once Remus had his arms wrapped safely around the toddler. Nodding once at Sirius he moved to sit down on the floor, adjusting Harry in his arms and rocking him slowly.

“Shhh… everything is going to be alright… no need to cry, look…” Remus said softly to the toddler, while reaching out for the plush dog next to him. He smiled weakly as he remembered Sirius and him buying it for Harry when he had been younger, and he had to bite his lower lip to keep himself from crying. Making sure that Harry was watching him, he put the plush toy on the floor and moved his hand just over its head. Seconds later the toy seemed to come to life, running around Remus and then nudging Harry's arm, attempting to crawl up into the toddler’s arms. At first the trick didn’t seem to work and Remus wondered whether he'd have to get ear plugs, but as soon as the dog had finally found its place between Harry and Remus’s chest, the toddler calmed down, chewing contentedly on the dog’s ear.

Sighing with relief Remus looked up to see if Sirius was still there, biting his lower lip a little as he saw the other man watching them. As Sirius found himself caught watching, he quickly left the room, leaving Remus once more alone with Harry. “Always a start,” Remus whispered and then turned his attention back to Harry.

When the evening came and Remus had put Harry to bed, and was just settling on the couch for another night of sleep, Sirius stood in the door frame of the living room. At first, the two just looked at each other, not saying anything at all, until finally Sirius dared to enter the room and move to sit down next to Remus on the couch.

“I am sorry,” Sirius whispered with his hands in his lap. Remus didn’t reply at first, not really knowing what to say. He knew that he should be happy and be hugging Sirius, crying with joy that his lover seemed to be trusting him again, but it still hurt that the distrust had been there in the first place.

“You should better be sorry,” Remus whispered hoarsely, taking a deep breath to calm himself but then suddenly following his urge to get up and stand in front of Sirius instead.

“You’d better be sorry. How could you Sirius! How could you ever think so low of me… how did you ever come up with the idea that I could do this to our friends… that I would betray them like this… they were my family too… you were supposed to trust me, to be the one who would stick to me when no one else would… whatever did I do wrong?” Remus had been shouting at first but soon enough his voice broke so at the end it was nothing but a mere whisper. Tears were running freely down his cheeks, his hands trembling as he was holding on to last thread of composure that was still left inside of him.

“I love you! But you’ve been ignoring me this entire week, as if I didn’t even exist… and now you come back here and simply apologize and hope that everything will be alright. How do you expect me to do this?” he continued between sobs, his whole body shaking now. Not managing to stand anymore, he let himself fall down on his knees, his arms hanging loosely by his sides as he sobbed, all the tension from the last days finally leaving his body.

For a while Remus thought that Sirius might not have heard him, and that the other man would disappear again, deciding that it was time for Remus to leave this house, after all. However, what happened was that to his surprise he felt one of Sirius’s strong arms wrap around him, his other hand cupping Remus’s head and pulling it against Sirius’s chest. This small moment seemed to make everything forgotten, and slowly Remus wrapped his arms around the other man, whimpering softly as he was finally holding on to his lover again.

“I am sorry… I’ll make this work out again, Moony. I promise I will… just don’t go,” Sirius whispered hoarsely, and for the first time in months Remus could believe those words, knowing that maybe things were finally going to work out for the better.


End file.
